Although our first objective is to keep this a safe place, our real joy is in modeling and mentoring these children in becoming more mature (the Psychological term is differentiated) people. Also Sanctuary is not about program it is about process. Here are some of the modeling behaviours we try to share:
* I am responsible for everything I do, want, think, feel (e.g. Nobody makes you angry - it really is a choice.)
* I am responsible for the initiation and consequences of all my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
* I do not have to offer excuses in order to justify my behaviour. I may choose to explain, but I don't have to convince. This blocks repentance.
* I don't ever want to argue with anybody, but I will explain my position if I want to.
* Criticism - listen to it, respect it and let it go on by. Or I may try to present a different world view once or twice, but stop before an argument starts.
* Arguments are never about the argument. Anger ALWAYS, ALWAYS comes from fear – find the fear.
* I am not responsible for how others think, feel, or act. They are responsible for themselves. This objective fact is a gift of Grace - I am responsible TO others , not FOR them.
* I have the right to change my mind. This is easy to do irresponsibly, but I need that right. I must do this in a way that respects others and myself. CS Lewis says that our 3rd, and 4th thoughts are usually the best.
* I have the right to make mistakes. We make more mistakes than we get right. We take our best shots.
* I have the right to be wrong.
* I have the right to say, "I don't know." We live with mystery.
* When others do good things for us, we do not have to pay them back.
* I don't have to give myself up to be loved by others. That would be co-dependency.
* I have the right to be illogical in making decisions. We use logic to label and marginalize others. All labels are used to marginalize one another. When people label me I have no control over that, but I have the right to not agree. Labeling is sad, but it doesn't get to define me.
* I have the right to say "I don't understand." We don't really understand almost everything
* I have the right to say "I don't care." This isn't true, but there are things I don't care quite as much about.